


Puppet Strings

by purplepie



Series: The Teddy Bears' Picnic [3]
Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-04-27 03:35:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 18,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5032192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplepie/pseuds/purplepie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just as he's getting his life back on track, the death of an E Corp executive brings more grief for Tyrell.  When he starts to grow suspicious of the circumstances around his parents' death, will he uncover yet more lies?</p><p>As his world begins to unravel again, it's up to Joanna and Elliot to help him, before it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the third story in the series! This one is very Tyrell-centric again, and I'm afraid it's another angsty one. Things will get better for him soon, I promise! ;-)

‘Do you miss Sweden?’ Elliot asked him one afternoon as they sat on the sofa lazily watching TV.

‘No,’ came the immediate reply, and Elliot looked at him in surprise.

‘What I mean is I miss the food, and the lifestyle. And it’s certainly a beautiful country. But I don’t miss it in the sense that I have any real desire to go back. There’s nothing there for me anymore. It doesn’t feel like home to me.’ He said this simply, and without any hint of sadness. 

‘So you don’t see yourself ever moving back?’

‘No, my home is here now.’ They both smiled at the implication of his words.

‘What about you Elliot? Do you see yourself leaving New York?’

‘Nah, I mean I don’t see why I would. I’m happy here. I’ve never been very adventurous, or had much of an urge to travel or see more of the world. I like knowing where I am, and having familiar things close by…’ he trailed off, feeling embarrassed. Surely someone as cultured as Tyrell would think him small-minded and simple for feeling this way. 

Instead, Tyrell just smiled and said, ‘I can understand that. I think I’ve grown to want that too.’

Tyrell really did just want that. In the last few months he’d felt so happy with Elliot. They complemented each other, and spent most of their time together. He’d all but moved in with him, and though he knew Elliot had been self-conscious about his less-than-glamorous apartment, to Tyrell it was perfect. 

He couldn’t bring himself to spend time in the house he’d shared with Joanna, and in many ways he quite liked living somewhere more humble. He’d been surrounded by luxury and opulence for so long, and it was an unpleasant reminder of the life he’d been forced into. It conjured up memories of the pretence and the lies, the push he’d always felt to earn more and be better. His life had been about nothing more than competition and flash over substance. He was always trying to one-up someone else, and, as Scott Knowles had pointed out, he’d always fallen short, no matter how hard he tried. There was such falseness to it, and the glossy veneer he’d painted over his own life felt meaningless now as he watched it peel away at the edges.

No, he was far happier at Elliot’s. The place was basic, sure, but it felt so much more lived-in than his house had ever done. It was humble and reminded him of where he came from. 

Eventually he would probably sell his old house, and perhaps they would buy somewhere bigger together, but now was hardly the time. The economic climate hadn’t really created a great market for grand Chelsea townhouses, or good-feeling towards those who owned them for that matter. Now was not a time for ostentation, but rather a time for modesty. Tyrell found that liberating.

It was the first time in many years that Tyrell could truly call himself happy. And not happy in a basic sense, happy in an all-consuming sort of contentment that made him smile for no reason and hum to himself without realising. He’d not felt this way since he and Joanna had been newlyweds. The early days of their relationship had been turbulent and he’d still been reeling from the loss of his parents. But she’d helped him through that, and by the time he’d gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry him, he’d felt like he could see a happy future for himself. 

When he’d signed his marriage licence he knew his happy future had arrived. They were starting a life together, and he’d felt indestructible. By now they were living in America, and he had a promising career at one of the largest companies in the world. For a year or so things were almost perfect.

It didn’t take him long to get sucked into the corporate world, but the higher up the ladder he climbed, the emptier he felt. By this point, Joanna had started to pull back too, and was growing more distant, so he’d begun his transformation into a cold, unfeeling corporate robot. He’d pretended to like that about himself, and it hadn’t been until he met Elliot that he realised he really didn’t. When they’d executed the hack, he’d not only liberated the world, but himself too.

Finding out he’d been a puppet for a vast, unseen power had been another blow that had knocked him sideways, but recently he’d started to feel like he was coming out the other side. Again, he felt like he’d been granted his freedom, and for the first time in his life could truly be who he wanted to be. 

Smiling, he moved off the sofa and made his way towards the kitchen.

‘What would you like for lunch?’ he asked Elliot, but got no reply.

‘Elliot?’ he tried again. 

‘He killed himself!’ Elliot exclaimed.

‘What? Who did?’ Tyrell made his way quickly over to Elliot, who gestured vaguely at the TV.

Yesterday, John Masters, an executive at E Corp’s London office, had been interviewed by the business editor of BBC News for a special report about the current climate, and what the future held for both big business, and the general public alike.

Halfway through an answer to a particularly tough question he’d stopped and looked directly at the camera. He’d started to apologise for all the wrong in the world, the mistakes he’d made, and to all the people he’d stepped on, on his way to the top. The video had gone viral within minutes. Elliot had watched it- it made for pretty strange viewing- but Tyrell hadn’t wanted to. E Corp was a sensitive subject for him, and a world he quite frankly wanted to leave behind.

Now though, as news broke that John Masters had hanged himself later that day, Tyrell sat transfixed, unable to take his eyes off the photo of the man they were showing at the top right-hand corner of the screen.

‘Weird, right?’ he could hear Elliot say to his left, but he couldn’t think up a response.

He was too consumed with his own thoughts as they rushed through his mind, and the cold, clammy feelings of nausea that spread through him.

‘Tyrell?’ Elliot touched his arm. Tyrell leaped up, as if Elliot’s hand was burning him.

‘Tyrell, what’s wrong? I thought you didn’t know him.’

He didn’t. Or at least he didn’t know John Masters. But the face that stared back at him from the TV screen was someone else entirely, and he knew that person.

He didn’t know how it was possible, but he knew he was right, without a shadow of a doubt. 

There was no way he’d forget the face of the man who’d killed his parents.


	2. Chapter 2

‘Tyrell, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?’

Tyrell stumbled back, seemingly in a daze. He tripped, and fumbled with his hands on the arm of the sofa as he tried to regain his balance. His breath came in short, sharp gasps, and Elliot could see that he was shaking.

‘Sit down, talk to me. What’s going on?’

Tyrell just shook his head and whispered, ‘No, it’s not possible,’ as he made his way over to the front door on wobbly legs.

‘Tyrell, wait! Where are you going?’

‘Elliot, I’m sorry, I have to go. Please, just let me go…’

‘I can’t do that Tyrell, not when you’re like this. Please…’

‘Elliot, no!’ He put his hands out as Elliot came towards him. Elliot stopped, a safe distance away, not wanting to spook him any more than he already was.

Tyrell mumbled something Elliot couldn’t decipher, and then louder, ‘Please don’t follow me.’ Before Elliot could react, Tyrell had left.

‘Shit!’ Elliot ran after him, but Tyrell was too quick. He got outside just in time to see Tyrell’s car pull away. ‘Shit!’ he shouted again. He was fairly sure Tyrell was in no fit state to be driving. Doing the only thing he could think to do he pulled out his phone and called Joanna.

‘Joanna, it’s Elliot.’

‘Elliot, hi!’ he could hear she was smiling. In a weird turn of events that Elliot could never have foreseen, he’d grown fairly friendly with Tyrell’s ex-wife. He saw her when she dropped off Otto, and though it had been awkward at first, he’d go as far as calling her a friend now. It wasn’t as if they socialised, but they certainly got on well enough. All in all, their situation was comfortable.

‘Joanna, I’m worried about Tyrell. Does the name John Masters mean anything to you?’

‘The E Corp exec who just killed himself? No, why?’

‘Tyrell saw the news report just now, and completely freaked out. He left, and I have no idea where he’s gone.’

‘Elliot, I’m sorry, I have no idea. Do you want me to help you look for him?’

‘Yes! No, I don’t know. I’m sorry, I don’t think…’

‘Elliot, don’t worry, he’ll be fine,’ Elliot would have believed her if she hadn’t sounded so worried herself.

‘I think you should stay at home. He might come to you.’

‘Okay. I can try calling him as well.’

‘Okay, thanks. I’m going to try looking for him. He might have gone to your old house, I’ll start there.’

He hung up and hailed a cab. A few minutes into the journey he got a text from Joanna.

‘His phone’s off, will keep trying. I’m sure he’s ok x’

The drive to Tyrell’s house was slow, and Elliot drummed his fingers against the window anxiously as they sat in traffic.

Eventually they arrived, and Elliot’s heart sank as he saw that Tyrell’s car wasn’t there. Nevertheless he let himself in with his spare key, and ran around the house, frantically calling Tyrell’s name. There was no sign he’d been there at all, until Elliot reached the bedroom. A box sat on top of the bed, its contents strewn everywhere. There were Swedish newspaper articles, and a couple of old day-planners, as well as some other miscellaneous personal affects. He rifled through the pages of a few of the books, but everything was in Swedish. A few photos fell out of one of the diaries, a kind-looking couple with a small boy, taken in various places. Pictures from Tyrell’s childhood? 

Elliot studied the boy. He had fair hair, much blonder than Tyrell’s was now, but the big blue eyes left Elliot fairly certain that this was Tyrell. He let himself study the photo for a few more seconds, before carefully placing it back within the pages of the book. He felt like he was invading; Tyrell’s childhood wasn’t something he talked about, and Elliot never asked about his parents as he knew it was a difficult subject for him to talk about. 

He pulled his hair in frustration. Tyrell wasn’t here, and there was nothing that pointed to where he might have gone.

He did a final check through the house, before going outside to hail another cab. He gave the driver Joanna’s address and tried to calm his fluttering heart. A few minutes later his phone rang and he saw it was Joanna.

‘Joanna, I’m on my way to yours now, so I’ll see…’

‘Elliot, Tyrell’s with me, he arrived a few minutes ago.’

‘Oh thank God!’ Elliot breathed with relief. ‘Tell him I’ll be there in a few minutes...’

‘Elliot, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

He felt the blood drain from his face.

‘Why not? Is he okay? Joanna, what’s happened?’

‘He’s not hurt, but he’s not… well, he’s not okay Elliot. He’s talking to me though, and I think I can get him to tell me what’s going on. Please, trust me on this.’  
Elliot felt tears sting his eyes and he nodded numbly. ‘Okay,’ he whispered eventually, when he remembered that Joanna wouldn’t be able to see him.

‘I will keep you updated, I promise,’ she said kindly, but it did little to reassure him. He felt a stab of hurt and betrayal, before chastising himself. His feelings didn’t matter right now. He understood that Tyrell had lived a complicated life before him, one that Joanna had been very much a part of. There were some things about Tyrell that Joanna knew that Elliot didn’t, and it made sense that Tyrell would go to her still. Knowing this didn’t do much to quell his jealousy, or his feelings of desperate helplessness as he realised that there was nothing else he could do at this point.

Defeated, he told the driver there had been a change of plan, and gave him his address instead. He would just have to be patient.

***

When Elliot had first called her, Joanna felt panic swell inside her. This behaviour was unlike Tyrell now, and she knew it must have been something pretty big to get him to leave Elliot like that and go missing without any explanation. 

She’d cuddled Otto close to her and paced anxiously as she tried to phone Tyrell, growing increasingly concerned as it rang out each time. Frustrated, she’d tried to settle on the sofa, but couldn’t stop fidgeting anxiously. The baby had started to stir, so she’d put him back in his crib, not wanting to disturb him more than she’d done already.  
After what could only have been about twenty minutes, but felt like hours, she heard a frantic knocking on the door.

Her heart jumped into her throat as she answered the door to a dishevelled-looking Tyrell.

He was pale, and his messy hair had fallen into his eyes, as if he’d been running his fingers through it.

‘Tyrell! Elliot called, he’s worried sick. What’s happened?’

He swayed on the spot, and she reached out to guide him into the house.

Inside, she pulled him into a hug which he didn’t reciprocate, his arms hanging limply by his sides. She looked into his eyes again and saw that he looked dazed and lost.

‘Tyrell, why have you come here?’ she nudged him gently. ‘What do you need?’

His eyes sharpened, and he looked like he was regaining his senses. He blinked at her like he was confused as to why she was there.

‘Tyrell, you came to me, what do you need?’ she tried again.

‘Does the name John Masters mean anything to you?’

‘No, it doesn’t, I’m sorry, but…’

‘Are you sure Joanna?’

‘Yes, I’m sure. Why are you asking?’

He took in a deep breath, as if afraid to say the words out loud. 

‘I don’t think my parents’ death was an accident.’


	3. Chapter 3

It was snowing the night a lorry-driver had lost control of his vehicle and swerved onto the wrong side of the road. He’d slammed down onto his brakes, but it was no use. Within seconds he’d crashed into the side of an oncoming car, sending it skidding down into the ditch below.

The driver had sustained head injuries and been taken to the nearby hospital. The drivers of the other car had been pronounced dead at the scene.

That was all the information the police officers gave Tyrell, before telling him they were sorry for his loss. Other arrangements needed to be made, they said, but that could all wait for another day. One of the officers, a kind-looking woman, started talking about bereavement counselling, but Tyrell wasn’t listening- as far as he was concerned, the world had faded to black around him, and he only cared about one thing. He wanted to see the man who’d killed his parents.

He expected to have to hack into the hospital system, but in actual fact it was surprisingly easy to find who he was looking for. All it took was some carefully vague lies, told to the right people (he was surprised he had the presence of mind to manage that part of his plan), and plenty of tears- that part he didn't have to act. Crying was pretty much all he felt capable of doing now. 

The nurse he approached was nearing the end of a fourteen-hour shift. Exhausted at the end of a difficult day, she hadn’t had the heart, or energy to say no to the distraught teenager. He was too incoherent to give her all the details, but from what he told her she was able to work out that his uncle was the lorry driver who’d just been brought in. Despite knowing it went against hospital procedure, and that she was risking her job, she quietly took him to the right room, and stayed outside to watch him.

Once inside, Tyrell discovered the man’s name was Johan Svensson. Looking at him, he was surprised by how he felt. Instead of rage, his entire body throbbed with the dull ache of grief. Silently he watched the man sleep, as he fought to keep his emotions under control. 

Eventually he grew frustrated that the man didn’t wake up. He wanted to confront him, ask him how the fuck he could be so careless. Looking back now, he had no idea what he actually would have said to him. In all honesty he probably would have fled. He’d been so determined to see him, but he hadn’t really thought much beyond that point.

After a while spent crying as he listened to the beeping of the man’s heart monitor and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, he got up to leave. He felt defeated, weak, and like he’d been hollowed out. He wasn’t sure what he’d gotten out of this experience, but it certainly wasn’t closure.

He didn’t get any closure either, when he found out two days later that the man had died.

***

‘Tyrell, what are you saying?’ Joanna’s voice snapped him back into the present.

‘John Masters, the E Corp executive who killed himself- he’s Johan Svensson. I don’t know how, but I’m sure… I’ll never forget…’

‘Tyrell,’ Joanna began gently, ‘that’s not possible. Svensson died, you told me that.’

‘I know, but you know what they’re capable of, anything’s possible! Maybe they…’

‘Tyrell,’ she cut in, more firmly this time. ‘Do you realise what you’re saying? You only saw the man once, lying bloodied and bruised in a hospital bed, you told me that. How can you possibly know for sure?’

‘Do you think I’ll ever forget that face? Not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought about it.’

‘It was an accident. A tragic, awful accident, but that’s it. You can’t be so paranoid, it’s not healthy,’ she said, trying to keep her voice as even and soothing as possible.  
‘I understand part of you wants closure, or maybe even a reason for what happened. Maybe you think that will help you come to terms with it, but…’

‘How can you possibly say I’m being paranoid, after everything that’s happened?! Everything in my life was planned and orchestrated, why not this?’

‘But why Tyrell, why would they do that?’

‘I thought you’d believe me, I thought you’d understand, I thought you’d believe me…’ he’d lost focus on her by this point, shaking his head and continuing to mumble to himself. She stepped forward, reaching out to him as if he were a wounded animal.

‘No!’ he shouted, putting his hands out to stop her and stepping back in a quick, angry motion. ‘Don’t touch me!’

‘Tyrell, please, I’m sorry,’ she could feel a lump in her throat, and tears filling her eyes. She hated to see him like this.

‘Promise me you didn’t have anything to do with this, promise me. I know I’m right, but I have to know that you weren’t involved.’ He looked seconds away from breaking down completely and she just wanted to get him calmed down. 

‘I promise,’ she blurted. ‘I promise you. But Tyrell, listen to me…’ she looked into his wide, bloodshot eyes, ‘…never in my years of working with Price was this EVER mentioned. My father never spoke about anything like this being part of the plan, and I know of NOTHING that would suggest you’re correct. I’m telling you the absolute truth, you have to trust me.’

He looked at her, considering her words. Slowly his breathing seemed to calm and his tears stopped. She smiled at him reassuringly, and momentarily he seemed alright.  
She was about to say something when he abruptly turned on his heel. She was so caught off guard by his sudden movement that she didn’t have time to react to his hand reaching out for the door handle. Before she’d had the chance to even think, he was out the door, slamming it behind him.

‘Shit!’ she swore loudly, quickly getting out her phone and dialling Elliot.

‘He’s gone again,’ she blurted, without preamble. ‘I couldn’t follow him, I have Otto. I’m so sorry Elliot!’

Elliot was frightened by the panic in her voice. He needed answers, and he needed them now.

‘Joanna, what the fuck is going on?’

‘I don’t know, he wasn’t making any sense!’

‘Then tell me what he was saying, maybe I’ll understand.’

Joanna weighed her options in her head, before concluding that Elliot needed to understand what the situation was.

‘He believes his parents were murdered by Evil Corp. He believes it was part of how they manipulated him, I think.’

Shit.

‘Why?’

‘He thinks the executive who just died was the man who killed them.’

‘How is that possible?’

‘I don’t think it is. But then again they’ve proved that they’re capable of a lot of things, so I don’t know.’

‘You think he could be right?’

‘I don’t know. I thought he was crazy at first, and I have no knowledge of anything that proves him right – I stressed that to him Elliot- but he seems so sure. I don’t know what to think.’

Elliot took in a shaking breath and prayed Tyrell was somehow wrong. After everything that had happened this would destroy him, Elliot felt sure.

‘Joanna, what do we do now?’

‘I think I have an idea.’


	4. Chapter 4

After leaving Joanna’s Tyrell realised he had no real plan. He’d hoped his talk with her would go better, felt sure she’d believe him. He swore loudly as he hit the steering wheel.

He pulled over on a quiet side road a safe distance from Joanna’s house, and got out his phone. A quick Google search of Johan Svensson gleaned the same results it always did- a very basic Myspace page, and records that indicated his date of birth and the fact he was single. Not that strange for an older man back in 2001.

A new search for John Masters pulled up all the current news headlines, some older articles, an extensive LinkedIn profile, and a Facebook page with full privacy settings. Nothing caught his eye, though he was interested in exploring the Facebook page. That would have to wait until he had his laptop though.  
He struggled to calm his breathing, and fight the waves of nausea that rolled through him. Looking at his phone he could see missed calls and voicemails from Elliot and Joanna. He couldn’t care about that now.

He jumped as his phone started ringing in his hand. He was about to ignore it when he noticed it was an unfamiliar number. Throwing caution to the wind, he answered.

‘Oh dear, Tyrell, what are we going to do with you?’

He recognised the silky voice and condescending tone immediately. Phillip Price. His heart picked up, and he felt blood pounding in his ears.  
Of course the CEO of E Corp had been the first person he’d wanted to speak to, but he hadn’t been naïve enough to think he could just wander into his old office and get a meeting with him. It wasn’t like he could just walk through the front door, and besides, he had never had that kind of sway, even when he worked there. So how the fuck was he on the phone to him now?

It took all his composure to muster what he hoped was a calm-sounding, ‘Mr Price, why are you calling me?’

‘Your wife informs me you’ve gotten yourself a bit upset. I would like to meet, see if there isn’t perhaps something we could do to cheer you up. How does that sound?’ he asked with faux-kindness in his voice.

Tyrell’s mind raced. Joanna had called Phillip? He didn’t realise she still had any contact with him, let alone influence. Though, he supposed bitterly, Phillip probably wouldn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to toy with him some more. He probably saw this as a bit of fun, something to brighten up a dull Tuesday afternoon. Tyrell was beyond caring about his pride by this stage; if meeting Phillip could give him any sort of clues he didn’t give a shit how far he’d have to lower himself.

‘Yes, let’s meet. I want answers,’ he replied in short, sharp breaths.

He listened numbly as Phillip gave him an address, but already had a feeling he knew where he was going.

A few minutes into the drive, he realised he actually had no idea where the warehouse was. As the SatNav took him through unfamiliar neighbourhoods it struck him how little he must have been paying attention on the journey there before.

His hunch had been right though- eventually, the old abandoned warehouse came into sight. He felt his stomach clench as he remembered the last time he was there.  
Getting out of his car, he made his way over to the main door and knocked, as Phillip had instructed him. He was let in by a man in a suit, and led down the all-too familiar hallway to a different door than the one he was taken through before. 

He found himself in a make-shift kitchen, and blinked as he took in the bizarre sight before him.

‘Tyrell!’ Phillip greeted him cheerfully. ‘Would you like a sandwich?’

Phillip was slicing off a loaf of bread and making himself a deli-meat and cheese sandwich.

‘I shouldn’t be eating this, doctor’s orders, but life’s too short to deprive yourself of the things you enjoy. Isn’t that right?’

Tyrell just stared at him, fists clenched at his sides to keep himself from lashing out.

‘Oh you want to get straight to business. Fair enough I suppose.’ He sounded disappointed, and Tyrell fought the urge to spit in his face.

‘So what’s troubling you Tyrell? Your wife didn’t go into too much detail I’m afraid.’

Knowing full well Phillip knew what this was about but just wanted to make Tyrell say it, he gritted his teeth and said, ‘E Corp killed my parents, didn’t they?’

A loud, bubbling laugh erupted from deep in older man’s stomach. Wiping his eyes, finally he replied, ‘Dear boy, you always had such a vivid imagination. What makes you think that?’

‘It was John Masters. I don’t know how, but I know it was,’ Tyrell said determinedly.

Phillip’s face grew serious. ‘John Masters was a dear friend, and valued colleague. I won’t have you speak ill of him like that.’

‘Don’t lie to me!’ Tyrell roared, feeling a small sense of satisfaction when he noticed Phillip flinch slightly. ‘You know I can’t do anything with this information, I just want to know the truth. I deserve that much.’

‘I agree, you do, which is why I’m giving it to you,’ Phillip said simply. ‘I know how your parents died, of course. A tragic accident, and a terrible loss,’ he shook his head. ‘But we were in no way responsible.’

Tyrell punched the wall angrily. ‘I know it was him! I recognised him the moment I saw him. You can’t expect me to forget the face of the man who killed my parents!’

‘No, but I can expect your memory to distort the face of a man you saw once, when you were in the throes of grief. Sometimes sorrow does funny things to the mind. You’re remembering what you want to remember and it’s only natural to want closure. But I’m afraid I can’t give it to you, and I’m declaring this conversation over.’

Before Tyrell could react, he felt an arm on his shoulder, pulling him backwards.

As he was being dragged away he heard Phillip sigh, ‘It’s a shame you didn’t want a sandwich, this really is rather good.’

Once he’d been taken back to his car he felt the overwhelming urge to get as far away from the warehouse as possible, and he sped away, not caring which direction he was driving in.

With only the quiet hum of the engine washing over him, he replayed the conversation over and over in his mind until an awful thought struck him.

He pulled over hurriedly, feeling grateful his stomach waited until he got out of the car to empty its contents. 

As he wretched violently, Phillip’s words echoed in his mind. ‘…I can expect your memory to distort the face of a man you saw once, when you were in the throes of grief…’

Perhaps he was being paranoid, or perhaps Phillip had made a simple assumption, but the fact of the matter was he hadn’t mentioned anything about when or how many times he’d seen the man who’d killed his parents.


	5. Chapter 5

A few minutes later the vomiting ceased, but he continued to brace himself against the lamppost for support, his breath coming raggedly, and tears rolling down his cheeks.

‘Sir, are you alright?’ he heard a voice to his right. He ignored it and staggered back to his car feeling dazed. He reached into the glove box for a packet of antibacterial wipes, and cleaned his hands and face. 

His vision swam and his fingertips tingled. His senses felt deadened and slow, as if he were underwater.

He wanted answers, but it was becoming increasingly clear he wasn’t going to get them. Worse still, the idea of having his fears confirmed filled him with a cold dread that clung to his insides and left him breathless.

He wished he’d never seen the news report, that he could have gone his entire life without ever knowing of John Masters’ existence. He was happier not knowing what he did now. Of all the awful truths he’d learned about his own life, this was by far the worst.

It made sense, he realised now. Even with Joanna whispering in his ear, E Corp still had no guarantee that he would do what they wanted. He might not have left Sweden. His parents might have convinced him not to take the paths E Corp wanted to lead him down. They needed Joanna’s opinion to be the only one he cared about, and with his parents in the picture that simply wouldn’t have been the case. 

Phillip had told him that fear made people obedient. Perhaps grief did too. 

The thought of telling Elliot about all of this made him want to cry. Regardless of whether Elliot believed him or not, Tyrell couldn’t bear the thought of seeing his big, wide eyes full of pity and sympathy.

The air in the car suddenly felt suffocating, and he gasped, feeling claustrophobic in the small space. He could see no end to the pain he was feeling, no outcome that would make him feel better.

In a moment of desperation he sent three text messages.

To Phillip Price: ‘Meet me back at the warehouse. One final conversation, and then you never have to see me again. You have my word.’

To Joanna and Elliot he sent identical messages. They were inadequate and didn’t even begin to sum up what he wanted to say, but they were all he could manage:

‘I’m sorry.’

***

He drove faster than he should have done back to the warehouse. Pulling up sharply, he jumped out of the car and sprinted to the main entrance.

He hammered frantically on the door, but there didn’t seem to be anyone around. He screamed in frustration, his voice echoing in the quiet night air.

He’d only sent the message a few minutes ago, he reasoned. He just needed to be patient. Vowing to wait all night if he had to, he went back to his car and tried to make himself comfortable.

***

Elliot pounded on Joanna’s door, not caring how much of a disturbance he was causing. His muscles burned from over-exertion, black spots danced in front of his eyes, and his lungs felt as if a tight rubber band had been stretched around them.

The door swung open and Joanna looked like she felt how Elliot did. She ushered him in quickly and wasted no time in showing Elliot her phone.

Elliot nodded, feeling sick, and said, ‘I got the same message.’

Joanna closed her eyes. ‘I don’t like this Elliot, I have a terrible feeling.’

Elliot started to cry. ‘Me too. I know he’s capable of hurting himself. The last time…’ He stopped himself as Joanna’s eyes snapped up at him in shock. Of course she didn’t know about that, why would Tyrell have told her? He swallowed down his guilt though, it was irrelevant now.

She was crying now too. ‘I didn’t believe Tyrell, but what if he was right? I was certain Phillip would put his mind at rest, and Tyrell would be able to move on. But what if I was wrong about everything?’

Elliot couldn’t imagine. He knew Tyrell had never fully recovered from his parents’ death. But to learn that they were murdered, all so Tyrell could be used as a pawn in some sick game? Elliot didn’t know how anyone would be able to come to terms with something like that. It was unthinkable. Tyrell had barely gotten over everything else Phillip Price had told him before, and now… Elliot was sure this would break him. He’d once thought he couldn’t despise Evil Corp any more than he already did, but here he was, proven wrong yet again. 

From what he knew of Phillip Price, he was fairly sure he wouldn’t have told Tyrell the truth delicately. He’d have toyed with him, drawn pleasure from his pain, and watched him hungrily as he fell apart. Elliot had never felt such anger before.

‘Why did I let you convince me this was a good idea?’ he shouted.

‘Because I genuinely believed Tyrell was wrong. I thought he’d hear it from the horse’s mouth, and everything would be resolved. You can’t think I wanted this to happen?!’

‘I don’t know, Joanna,’ Elliot lowered his voice dangerously. ‘I’m not exactly sure I can trust you about this anymore, given your history.’

She recoiled as if he’d struck her. ‘How can you say that?’

‘Promise me, I need you to *promise* me, that you don’t know more than you’re letting on. That you’re not still in on all of this, and this isn’t part of some bigger game you’re playing.’

‘Elliot I promise,’ she was grateful that she managed to sound much bolder than she felt. ‘I have been honest with Tyrell about everything I know. When I agreed to their plan I was assured that no-one would be killed. If I’d been told they were going to *murder* his parents, I would never have gone ahead. What kind of person do you think I am?’

‘The kind of person who manipulates someone who loves them, and tricks them into a life of lies and deceit?’

The sound of Joanna’s hand making contact with the side of Elliot’s face cracked through the silence, and Elliot flinched, startled.

As his cheek started to burn, Joanna hissed, ‘Don’t you dare judge me! I will never forgive myself for what I did, but I had reasons. I hated myself every single time I looked into his eyes, every single morning I woke up next to him. I certainly didn’t do this for my own entertainment. Sometimes life pushes you down paths you don’t want to take Elliot, I would have thought you’d understand that.’

The stood in silence, locked in the intensity of each other’s gazes, their chests rising and falling heavily.

‘I, um…’ Elliot faltered, but thankfully Joanna cut him off.

‘This is all irrelevant right now, we need to find Tyrell. Have you tried to call him?’

‘Yes, of course, non-stop since I got his message. I left him voicemails too.’

‘Do you have any idea where he might be?’

‘No, not a clue,’ Elliot choked out in despair. ‘Do you know where Phillip would have taken Tyrell to talk?’

‘Possibly the warehouse, but I don’t know where it is.’

Elliot stared at her. ‘How is that possible?’

‘We were never given the address, and we were taken in vans so we couldn’t see where we were going.’

‘They didn’t care about us seeing though.’

‘That’s probably because that was the last time we planned to use it, so it didn’t really matter. With us they figured the less we knew, the less dangerous we could be. It kept us where they wanted us. So, do you know where it is?’ she asked urgently.

Elliot thought about it for a second before realising with a sinking heart that he didn’t. Shit.

‘No, I don’t remember.’ The neighbourhoods had all been unfamiliar, and he'd been too concerned with focusing on Tyrell to pay attention to street signs. He kicked himself now.

‘Fuck!’ Joanna swore loudly.

‘I mean, I might be able to figure it out, but that could take ages. They probably won’t still be there anyway.’

‘Well we have to do something, and that seems like a good place to start. As we can’t get hold of Tyrell I’m going to try calling Phillip, you get to work.’


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning, this chapter is a bit darker and deals with suicidal thoughts.

Tyrell cried silently as he listened to Elliot’s voicemail for the third time.

‘Tyrell, it’s Elliot. I know what’s happened, and whether you’re right or not, I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling. But I want to help you, please let me help you. I know you don’t think you’re strong enough to get through this, but whatever the outcome, I know that you are. You got through all the shit that happened before, and you started to build a life that made you happy. That doesn’t have to all go away. You still have me Tyrell, and you still have your son. Please don’t do anything rash, please just call me back, and we’ll talk. I’ll help you. Please, I love you. Please. Please…’ he trailed off at the end.

Hearing Elliot’s voice somehow calmed him down, and his finger hovered over the call button. He wanted to believe Elliot, he wanted to call him, and have everything make a little bit more sense again. But something was holding him back.

His internal struggle was interrupted when he saw headlights approaching him. A car pulled up, and he saw Phillip get out of the passenger side. The older man strode over purposefully and tapped on the window. ‘You have ten minutes,’ he told Tyrell firmly.

Tyrell scrambled out the car and followed Phillip into the warehouse. This time, he was led back into the main room. It looked very different without all the flowers and candles, bare and industrial. It reminded Tyrell of a slaughterhouse.

‘Speak,’ Phillip commanded.

Tyrell quickly found his voice and managed to say, more confidently than he felt, ‘I know I’m right. Too many things make sense. What’s the point in lying to me? I can’t do anything with this information. All you’d be doing is giving me peace of mind. Don’t you owe me that much?’

Phillip sighed. Tyrell braced himself for what he was about to say.

‘You were never meant to find out.’

The breath Tyrell had been holding forced its way out of him in the form of a sob, which echoed round the vast, empty room.

Seeing the devastation in the young man’s face, Phillip allowed himself a rare moment of compassion. He continued.

‘Joanna didn’t know. Very few people did. We had people involved, obviously, but no-one you would know. John was chosen, assigned a fake identity, and put into position. Once he’d done his job, we faked his death and he returned to London. You were so vital to our plan Tyrell, we needed to make sure nothing would hold you back. It was the ultimate sacrifice you never even knew you made. Please know that we are eternally grateful for your service.’

Tyrell choked out another sob, squeezing his eyes shut and covering his mouth with his hands.

‘I’ll admit, it was risky letting you see John after the accident, but it was a calculated risk we were willing to take. We needed you to have closure- we couldn’t have you running around, driving yourself mad chasing after ghosts.’

‘Please stop talking!’ Tyrell cried, his voice raw and harsh with emotion. ‘I can’t hear any more.’ 

Shaking, he reached into his jacket pocket and closed his fingers around the cold, solid weight he’d been carrying around all day. It still felt greasy from its time in the popcorn machine, and he tightened his grip on it.

He brought his hand out in one quick motion and pointed the gun directly at Phillip.

Phillip slowly put his hands in the air, and made eye contact with Tyrell. He could see that the younger man was shaking violently, and had to keep readjusting his grip on the pistol.

‘Tyrell, what are you doing?’ he asked calmly, and evenly.

‘You like poetry, don’t you?’ Tyrell stammered. Phillip searched his face, trying to understand his meaning. 

‘I thought this would be a good way to end our story. Poetic, isn’t it? Almost Shakespearean. I thought you’d like that.’

‘Tyrell, you can walk away from this right now, and carry on with your life. Don’t make a decision you’ll regret. You don’t want to kill me.’

Tyrell barked out a wet, humourless laugh.

‘Of course not. I want you to kill me.’

Phillip thought he’d misheard.

‘I’m sorry?’

Tyrell turned the gun round in his hands and pointed the grip at Phillip.

‘Take it,’ he whispered.

‘Tyrell, I’m not going to kill you.’

‘Take it!’ he roared, as his tears spilled over. He took a deep breath to try and stop his shaking.

‘I don’t understand why you’re asking this of me.’

By now, Tyrell’s teeth were chattering and he struggled to get his words out.

‘It’s simple. I don’t want to live, and I want you to have my blood on your hands. For the rest of your life I want you to relive the moment you watched me die.’ 

‘Tyrell…’

‘Do it! Take the gun!’ he shouted desperately, and Phillip moved forwards and took it from his grasp. Tyrell let out a shaky breath.

‘Now do it.’ He locked eyes with Phillip.

His breath caught in his throat as he heard the click of the safety, and he clenched his fists. He was determined not to break eye contact.

‘I’m sorry Tyrell,’ he heard.

And then the world went black.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay everybody, I hope this chapter is worth the wait!

‘Joanna we’re running out of time, and I don’t think I can find the warehouse!’ Elliot shouted frantically. ‘There are loads of possibilities, but I can’t narrow it down. It will take us ages to go to them all.’

‘Phillip’s not answering his phone, and neither is Tyrell. We’re missing something, we have to be. This can’t be it!’

Elliot let out a sob of frustration and put his head in his hands.

‘What are we going to do?’

Joanna’s answer was cut off by her phone ringing. She jumped up to answer it.

‘Tyrell?’ she answered breathlessly. Elliot’s eyes widened with hope.

‘Yes, this is she…oh my God, is he okay?...Thank goodness!...Yes of course, I’ll be right there. Thank you!’ She hung up and let out a watery laugh of relief.

‘He’s okay! He’s at the hospital, but he’s going to be fine.’

Elliot started to both cry and laugh as relief completely overwhelmed him.

Upon arrival, a nurse informed them that Tyrell had been brought in with a serious head injury. He’d needed stitches, and had concussion, but he would be fine to leave in the next couple of days.

Outside Tyrell’s room, Joanna insisted that Elliot go in without her. ‘You should be there when he wakes up. I’ll be right outside if you need me.’ Her expression was unreadable, but Elliot didn’t argue with her.

Watching Tyrell as he slept, Elliot once again felt overwhelmed with emotion. The nightmare of the last day was over, but Elliot feared there was more to come. Right now though, he was just glad that Tyrell was alive and safe.

He took Tyrell’s hand gently in his, and studied his face, wondering what chain of events had led him to this moment. Who had knocked him out, and why? It didn’t make any sense- there were no other signs of a physical altercation, and it definitely didn’t seem like the aim had been to kill him.

He started to seriously contemplate the possibility that Evil Corp had killed Tyrell’s parents, and pondered what the other man's life would be like if Evil Corp had chosen someone else for their master plan. He might still live in Sweden. Maybe he would still be a tech, working somewhere like Allsafe. He’d be happy. He wouldn’t be lying in a hospital bed right now. His parents might still be alive. Tears stung Elliot’s eyes. He’d give anything to be able to somehow go back and stop it all from happening, to give Tyrell back the life they’d snatched away from him. Elliot felt sick as he realised how easily they’d robbed Tyrell of his family, his freedom, his hope, and *himself*. Just as easily, and without remorse, as they’d taken Elliot’s father away from him. 

Suddenly, Elliot felt his chest tighten. The air around him was too artificial, too sterile. The smell of sickness and chemicals overpowered his senses and made him feel dizzy. He didn’t want to leave Tyrell, but he couldn’t be alone with his own thoughts any more. He stumbled out into the hallway and found Joanna.

‘Please could you come in and wait with me?’

She looked at him, confused.

‘Please?’ He repeated. She nodded in response.

They didn’t talk, but her presence helped to calm him down. Joanna closed her eyes, shifting to get as comfortable as possible in her hard, plastic chair.  
Eventually Elliot closed his eyes as well.

After a long period with just the general buzz and mechanical whirring of hospital equipment to fill the silence, Joanna stirred from her state of half-sleep. She cleared her throat nervously and Elliot opened his eyes to look at her.

‘What’s wrong?’

She took a deep breath, and Elliot could see her composing herself. Finally she started to speak. 

‘I didn’t know much about Tyrell before I met him. All they told me was that he was an I.T. major at university, and that he was smart and driven. They showed me a picture too. But apart from that, I had to get to know him just like anyone else would. We went on dates, did things that normal couples do. I honestly hadn’t known what to expect, but I liked him. He was sweet, and kind,’ she smiled.

‘He told me about his parents on our third date- it was about sixth months after their death. I brought up his family; otherwise, I’m sure he wouldn’t have talked about them. He didn’t make it through dinner.’ She shook her head sadly. 

‘I wanted to walk away there and then. He was vulnerable and hurting and he didn’t deserve what I was doing to him. I couldn’t stand the idea of taking advantage of someone who’d lost so much already. But Phillip told me, in no uncertain terms, that there was no turning back.’

Elliot said nothing, just nodded.

‘I fell in love with him Elliot. We had a difficult start, but we grew to be very happy together. A part of me started to believe that we could actually make it work. But there came a point- we were married and living in America by then- when I came to understand the scale of Phillip’s plan. Far from home, things were more complicated, and everything was gaining momentum. For the first time I was able to fully grasp just how much was at stake, and I knew that there would come a day when Tyrell would learn the truth. So in the meantime I did the kindest thing I could think to do- I pulled back. I made our marriage cold and functional. Everything clicked into place perfectly really, as we took on our new roles. He, the power-hungry executive, and I, the perfect corporate wife.’ She laughed humourlessly, and Elliot could tell she didn’t believe her own words.  
‘I know part of you hates me for what I did to him, and I don’t blame you for that. But please don’t think for a second that I enjoyed doing what I did. And please don’t think for a second that I didn’t hurt myself in the process too.’

Elliot looked down at his hands, unsure of what to say. Joanna shifted awkwardly in her seat, and several uncomfortable minutes of silence passed, as he let her words fully sink in. 

He was satisfied that Joanna wasn’t lying about her lack of involvement in the death of Tyrell’s parents. That was a huge relief. But as for his feelings on everything else she’d done, he was going to continue to follow Tyrell’s lead on that. Tyrell had forgiven her, so as far as Elliot was concerned, that was that. He just wanted to pick up where’d they’d left off, and go back to being friends, if not for his sake, then for Tyrell’s. It was a complicated and unlikely friendship, but a friendship he valued nonetheless.  
His focus snapped back to Tyrell as the man started to stir. Elliot watched anxiously as slowly, he opened his eyes, and tried to shift himself into a more upright position. Elliot moved forward quickly, placing a gentle hand on Tyrell’s arm. Wordlessly, Joanna slipped out to find a doctor.

‘Don’t try to move, it’s okay,’ Elliot murmured reassuringly.

Tyrell looked around in confusion. Elliot could see panic swelling up inside him as he took in the unfamiliar surroundings. With wide, fearful eyes he looked at the drip in his hand, and then back at Elliot. His breathing started to become erratic, and he tried to sit up again.  
‘Tyrell, shh, it’s okay, relax. You’re in the hospital. You’re safe. Just relax.’ He placed what he hoped was a comforting hand on Tyrell’s shoulder. The older man closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths.

‘How do you feel?’

Before Tyrell could answer Joanna came back in, followed by a doctor.

‘Mr Wellick, I’m Dr. Murphy. How are you feeling?’

‘Dizzy, my head feels…strange,’ he replied hoarsely, without opening his eyes.

‘You have a nasty head injury I’m afraid, so you might be a little sore. We’ve got you on some pretty strong painkillers, but let us know if the pain worsens. Can you open your eyes for me?’

The doctor shone a light in Tyrell’s eyes, which he flinched away from.

‘You might be a little sensitive to the light, that’s normal. Your pupils are looking fine though. Could you follow my finger?’ When he was done Tyrell closed his eyes again.

‘I have a few more checks I need to run, just to make sure everything’s working as it should be. Are you happy for everyone to stay in the room?’

‘Just Elliot,’ he murmured. Joanna gave him a soft smile, before excusing herself.

The doctor carried out his tests, and explained that Tyrell would need checking regularly, as well as a CT scan. Tyrell was dehydrated, so the doctor also wanted to get him hooked up to some fluids. Elliot listened intently, as Tyrell didn’t seem to be able to concentrate.

‘Tyrell, do you remember what happened?’ Dr Murphy asked him gently. 

‘No.’

‘A passer-by said he found you in the street unconscious and waited with you until the ambulance arrived. He didn’t see what happened or who did this to you though. So you don’t remember anything?’

‘No.’ Tyrell repeated, and this time Elliot noticed a slight hardness to his voice.

The doctor nodded. ‘Well you’re lucky they found you. It could have been a lot worse. Now, try to get some rest. We’ll be back to check on you in a bit,’ he smiled at Tyrell.

Tyrell’s drowsiness seemed to be defeating him, and by the time Dr Murphy left the room, he was virtually asleep again. Elliot wanted to ask him questions, but realised sadly that he’d have to wait. He wanted to know if Tyrell really didn’t remember what happened, or if he was lying. He suspected the latter.  
He went outside to update Joanna. As soon as he saw her though a wave of sadness struck him, like a sledgehammer to the chest.  
Seeing his expression crumble she jumped up and made her way over to him, wrapping her arms around him in a firm hug. He stiffened initially, but his distress overpowered the urge he’d normally have to break free from her touch.

Elliot cried, noisy sobs that constricted his chest, and made his throat hurt. She hushed him gently and rubbed his back, ignoring the concerned glances she was getting. 

‘You really care about him, don’t you?’ She asked gently, once his crying stopped. He nodded.

‘That’s good. I’m glad he has you.’

Elliot averted his eyes and shifted uncomfortably.

‘He was very close to his parents, and when they died I think a part of him died too. It must feel like he’s lost them all over again,’ she mused sadly.  
Elliot could relate to that, and in many ways felt like he could understand what Tyrell was going through. The day he’d realised who Mr Robot was felt like a sickening repeat of when he’d first lost his father as a child. Standing by his grave that day, the grief had felt brand new and overwhelming.

Tyrell had overcome his own grief years ago, or at least tucked it away deep inside him and done his best to pick himself up and carry on. But now, all the walls he’d built to protect himself had been torn down. Everything he believed, and told himself in his darkest moments had been ripped away.  
Losing his parents in a tragic accident might have seemed senseless at first. But perhaps, over time, he’d accepted that there was something bigger at play. Elliot had a feeling that Tyrell believed that there were forces in the universe that may not always make sense, but everything happened for a reason. Over time, maybe believing in this higher power gave their deaths a sense of purpose, even if he didn’t understand what that purpose was. Elliot could see how that would bring him comfort.

But now, knowing it was deliberate and planned took away that comfort. The unseen power Tyrell believed in had suddenly become a very real, tangible one. It was the elite, the 1% of people who believed they were entitled to rob the world. His parents’ deaths became senseless again, but in a whole new, and terrible way. 

This would be a different kind of grief, fresh and raw and all-confusing. Also, how could Elliot forget, that Tyrell used to count himself amongst that 1%? He used to stand alongside them, fighting for what they did. He once shook the hand that signed his parents’ death certificate. He found himself praying for the thousandth time that there was some other explanation for all of this, and that their suspicions were unfounded. His hope of that being the case was slipping away faster by the second.  
Elliot could see no reason for Evil Corp killing Tyrell’s parents, other than simply to get to him. Severing Tyrell’s ties had probably just been a part of their recruitment plan. If Elliot was right, how could Tyrell possibly accept that his parents died simply to drive him into Evil Corp’s waiting arms? It wasn’t Tyrell’s fault- he hadn’t asked to be chosen for any of this. He was just as much of a pawn as his parents had been. But Elliot knew he wouldn’t see it like that. He would blame himself. How was Elliot supposed to convince him that it wasn’t his fault?

‘Joanna, how am I supposed to help him? I don’t think I can do this.’ He felt the air being forced out of his lungs and he pulled away from her sharply.

She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘I hope you’re not saying what I think you’re saying,’ she said dangerously.

Elliot struggled to suck enough air back into his lungs, and he began to feel lightheaded. Shakily he said, ‘I don’t know what I’m saying, I just don’t feel like I can do this.’

In a voice that reminded Elliot just how terrifying she could be she said, ‘I swear, if you hurt him, now when he needs you most, I will kill you.’

Elliot laughed, but it sounded strange, as if tinged with hysteria. ‘What makes you think I can be good for him? Do you realise how fucked up *I* am?! I can barely keep myself together, why would you possibly think I can keep him together too?’

‘Because you have to, Elliot. And because you’ve done it before.’

‘This is different though. I can’t help him grieve for his parents when I still haven’t…’ he cut himself off abruptly and stumbled back, eyes wide with shock.

‘Haven’t what? What are you saying?’

‘I have to go, I’m sorry.’ Without giving her a second to respond, he turned on his heel and hastily made his way towards the exit.

When he was a good distance away from the hospital he stopped, and lit a cigarette with shaking hands.

He took in several great, long drags, before shutting his eyes and sitting down on the floor. It had been raining and he was getting mud on his trousers, but he didn’t care.  
He replayed his conversation with Joanna in his head. What had he been about to say to her? That he still hadn’t gotten over the death of his father? Was that really true? Since the day Darlene and Angela found him at his father’s grave, he’d felt like he’d sliced open all his old wounds again. He’d been focusing on so many other things since that day, but he couldn’t deny the sadness that burned away in the back of his mind, and - on the rare occasion when he stopped to think about it -left him broken and weary.  
He might have enjoyed pretending he had a normal (given the circumstances) life, spending time with Tyrell and showing all the outward signs of being happy, but he’d always known his feelings would catch up to him. He knew he wasn’t somehow miraculously fixed just because things in his life were looking up. He might have changed the world the day he executed the hack, but he hadn’t change the way he perceived it. His brain was still wired the same, prone to all the same bugs and glitches. He got swept up in his relationship with Tyrell, but it was as all things were in life, just a distraction. 

And now he was supposed to help Tyrell. How could he do that when he currently felt as if every nerve ending in his body was on fire? He was volatile and unstable- fear and flight. He desperately wanted to go home and sit in the corner, make himself as small as possible. Maybe he would disappear if he tried hard enough. He needed something to take the edge off what he was feeling, dull his senses. Not morphine, he wasn’t going to slip down that dangerous path again. Maybe alcohol? He pictured drinking back a bottle of vodka, and tried to imagine the burning in his throat and warmth in his stomach. It didn’t work. He just felt cold, as the wind blustered around him.  
He felt like he was desperately clinging on to his sanity, as the weight of everything from the last year suddenly came crashing down on him. Memories flitted through his mind, and fear chilled his insides as he found it increasingly difficult to grasp at them. The gaps in his memory were getting bigger, and his feelings of uncertainty and unease grew with them. 

He dimly realised he was gasping in too much air as dizziness hit him, and his arms turned to lead. His surroundings started to fade and the sounds of traffic around him became muffled. All he wanted to do was sleep. 

He jumped as he heard a soft, male voice behind him, and he turned to see who it was coming from.

It might have been a few seconds, or it might have been longer, but the stranger (who turned out to be a nurse) managed to get him calmed down.

Feeling slightly silly, he got up off the floor, and politely declined when Sam (the other man had volunteered this information with a kind handshake, which Elliot halfheartedly reciprocated) offered to have a chat with him. 

Shame and nausea rolled through him as rather than go back inside, he crossed the road and hailed a cab to take him home.


	8. Chapter 8

As soon as he got inside his apartment he broke down, curling up in a tight ball on the floor, and rocking back against the wall. As his tears fell he thought about Tyrell. He imagined him waking up to find that Elliot wasn’t there.

Was this it? Had he just left Tyrell? Were they over? What would happen now? He wished he could calm his racing thoughts.

His phone started to buzz, and he looked down to see that it was Joanna. Shit.

He didn’t want to face her, but part of him thought hearing her voice might snap him out of his panic-filled haze.  
As soon as he picked up she assaulted him with a torrent of Danish, most of which he suspected he should feel grateful he couldn’t understand. 

‘Joanna wait, stop! I’m sorry,’ he interrupted her.

‘What the fuck are you doing Elliot? You can’t just walk away from him! What was your big plan, to just disappear? If you’re not back here before he wakes up, I swear, I will…’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘You’re sorry? That’s it. That’s all you’re going to say.’

‘I don’t know what to do…’

‘Save it Elliot. Either you do the right thing and come back, or you can go to hell. I don’t want to hear your excuses.’  
She thought he’d hung up on her, until she heard him sniffing. She decided to change tack.

‘He always said you were extraordinary Elliot. He had such unwavering faith in you. Finally I was starting to see what he saw. Your actions now are very disappointing.’  
Elliot knew what she was doing, and ordinarily it would work. It was strangely intoxicating gaining the approval of people like Tyrell and Joanna, and Elliot had to admit he liked being thought of as exceptional. But there was so much more at stake here than his ego, and he felt oddly insulted that she would resort to this kind of manipulation.   
Sensing she’d rubbed him up the wrong way she sighed. 

‘Okay, no more games Elliot. I’m going to be honest with you. If you leave it will destroy him. More than anything, all he’s ever needed is to believe that there is someone good in this world. Someone he can trust. He thinks that’s you Elliot, and I don’t think he can take being wrong again. Relationships aren’t easy, but if you aren’t willing to work through the hard parts you’ll never get to the truly wonderful ones. And trust me when I say that with Tyrell, there will be a lot of wonderful ones.’

She sounded sad, and it struck Elliot how strange this whole situation must be for her. Deep down, she probably still felt an instinctive urge to look after Tyrell, so handing over that responsibility to Elliot must have been hard. Elliot thought of all the times at the hospital when it looked like she’d been biting her tongue or stopping herself from reaching out to comfort Tyrell. He remembered the look on her face when she’d left Elliot to be alone with him. The part of her that still felt like his wife was at odds with the part of her that accepted he was with Elliot now. She missed him, Elliot realised.

‘He’ll need you as well. You’re still his family, despite everything that’s happened.’

Joanna didn’t say anything to that, but gave a soft hum of acknowledgement. Elliot hoped she appreciated his words.

‘So Elliot, are you going to come back so we can both be here when he wakes up?’ 

He thought about Joanna’s words again, and realised that she was right- about everything.

‘I’ll be there soon.’


	9. Chapter 9

For the most part Elliot and Joanna stayed with Tyrell constantly. If he could sense that the mood between them had shifted he didn’t say anything. He just seemed to be grateful they were there.

He didn’t talk much, and spent most of his time sleeping. By day two he seemed to be feeling better physically, and started to grow restless.

On day three he was released. Elliot couldn’t tell if he was relieved or anxious to be leaving the hospital. Probably a mixture of both.  
Joanna said goodbye to them at the hospital as she needed to get home and relieve the babysitter. She gave Tyrell a kiss on the forehead and told him she’s see him soon. She then took Elliot outside and pulled him into a hug.

‘He won’t want to talk to you, but give him time. Don’t press him, or ask too many questions. He’ll open up when he’s ready.’

He gave her a grateful smile.

‘I’ve arranged for some groceries to be delivered to your house, but call if you need anything else.’

‘Thank you.’

She started to walk away, but turned back as she remembered something.

‘Oh, and Elliot? He likes hot chocolate,’ she smiled. ‘I’ll send you a recipe.’

Elliot let out a surprised laugh. ‘Okay, I’ll remember that.’

***

The first thing Tyrell wanted to do when they got back was take a shower, so Elliot left him to it. He made him keep the door open though, just in case.

The grocery delivery came a little while later, and Elliot pottered around the kitchen in an attempt to distract himself. He opened up Joanna’s recipe, deciding he would have a go at making the hot chocolate. It was fancier than anything Elliot had ever had, with melted chocolate, fresh cream, and a sprinkle of cinnamon. It was lovely though, and Elliot was glad he’d made enough for himself too.

He suddenly realised Tyrell had been in the shower for quite a while, so he went to check on him. Standing in the doorway he could hear the water still running, and he called out Tyrell’s name. He felt a jolt of panic when Tyrell didn’t answer. Springing into action, he lurched forwards and yanked back the shower curtain.

Tyrell was sitting with his knees pulled tight to his chest. He was staring at the wall with unfocused eyes, and seemed oblivious to the fact that the water running down him had grown cold, despite the fact he was shivering. His hair was plastered to his face, and his eyes looked bloodshot. Elliot turned the water off and grabbed a towel from the side, hastily wrapping it around Tyrell.

The older man still didn’t acknowledge his presence so Elliot started to rub him vigorously with the towel to warm him up. This appeared to shock him back to reality and he looked up at Elliot and murmured, ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why are you sorry?’

‘I’m sorry.’ He continued to mumble over and over as Elliot dried him.

Elliot managed to get him standing, and gently led him out of the bathroom. He wrapped him in a dressing gown and got him into bed, pulling the covers around him and stroking the hair off his face.

Gently he put the cup of hot chocolate in Tyrell’s hands. Tyrell studied it for a few seconds then blinked at Elliot in surprise.

He took a tentative sip and closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, they shone with tears. ‘Is this my mom’s recipe?’ he asked hoarsely.

‘I don’t know, Joanna gave me it. Is that alright?’

Tyrell nodded, and Elliot was pleased to note that he looked genuinely touched by the gesture.

‘Did I get it right?’ Elliot asked.

‘Yes, it’s lovely. Thank you.’

Elliot breathed a quiet sigh of relief, glad that Tyrell had snapped out of his daze and seemed happier. He made a mental note to thank Joanna later.

‘She always used to make this for me whenever I was sick or having a bad day. Sometimes I would try to pretend I was, just so she’d make it, but she never fell for it. I was never as clever as I thought I was,’ he laughed sadly.

‘Even when I was university, if I came home for the weekend, she’d still make it for me. It was so silly- I wasn’t a kid any more. She said that didn’t matter, that you should never feel embarrassed to do the things that bring you comfort.’

‘She was right,’ Elliot whispered reassuringly.

‘And then she…’ he trailed off and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to compose himself. ‘Afterwards, I just couldn’t… I could never make it as well as she did, and it felt wrong drinking it without her. One day, around the anniversary of my parents’ death, I was finding it difficult to cope. Joanna simply came up and put the mug in my hands, much like you just did. I guess at some point I must have told her about the hot chocolate, and she remembered.’ He took another sip.

‘I feel like I’m reliving it all over again,’ he whispered. Elliot still had no idea what happened between Phillip and Tyrell that night at the warehouse, but he was fairly certain that Phillip had confirmed Tyrell’s suspicion that his parents’ death had been planned. Elliot couldn’t really see another reason why Tyrell would have been left so shaken otherwise.

Deciding to trust his instinct, he whispered, ‘I understand how you feel.’ Seeing Tyrell’s confusion he elaborated. He told him about Mr Robot, and explained that the ‘alter-ego’ Tyrell had met was in fact a manifestation of his father. He recounted the day he’d worked it all out. The shame he felt that he’d forgotten his own dad. The confusion and betrayal he felt when he'd believed his father had been alive all those years. And the grief that stung him, raw and fresh, as he stood at his father’s grave and realised it had all been an illusion. The cruelest trick his mind could play on him.

Tyrell looked taken-aback at the end of Elliot’s confession. ‘Fuck,’ he breathed. ‘I’m sorry.’ Elliot knew Tyrell’s apology held a double-meaning and he gave him a small, grateful smile. It hadn’t been his intention to make Tyrell feel guilty, but he knew his admission must have reminded Tyrell of how he’d taken advantage of Elliot’s delusions and the gaps in his memory. Elliot had long forgiven Tyrell for that, but the apology meant a lot to him nonetheless. 

‘Can you come here?’ Tyrell asked him sheepishly, gesturing at the space next to him in the bed. Elliot moved so that he was lying next to Tyrell.

He curled into Tyrell’s side as he put his arms around him, and they both closed their eyes. For now there was nothing left to say.


	10. Chapter 10

The week that followed had its fair share of ups and downs. Some days Tyrell seemed normal, and he and Elliot would talk and fall into their old routine. Other times Tyrell withdrew, becoming quiet and tearful. 

There were still a lot of gaps in Tyrell’s account of what happened. Elliot took Joanna’s advice however, and let Tyrell tell him in his own time.

On a cold, rainy afternoon they were both napping on the couch. Elliot woke up first, sometime around four, and gently moved Tyrell’s legs off him. He quietly made his way to the kitchen to make a snack, but a quick search of the fridge and cupboards came up empty. Tyrell was usually the one who made sure there was food in the house. Elliot was generally unconcerned with what he ate, or keeping usual mealtimes, but Tyrell didn’t live like that.

He’d filled the cupboards, cooked meals for them, and introduced Elliot to new things. It was nice, and for the first time in years Elliot felt like he was being taken care of. But over the last week, understandably Tyrell had taken a less active role.

He hadn’t wanted to leave Tyrell alone throughout the week but he reasoned he had to eventually, and they needed food. Tyrell was asleep anyway, there was no point waking him.

He left a note, and made his way out. The fresh air helped to clear his mind, and he was grateful to be out of the apartment. He had to admit the week had taken its toll on him. He took his time, ambling round the shop slowly. He grabbed food for a few days, including the ingredients for a nice dinner, and a bottle of wine he knew Tyrell liked. 

He was trying to get better at doing relationship stuff, as he knew that was important to Tyrell. Granted, their relationship hadn’t gotten off to the most conventional start, and for most of it romance had understandably taken a back seat, but Tyrell was very much the sort of person that liked to do these things right. When their lives finally settled down Elliot knew he would be taken to nice restaurants, and spoiled. That thought excited him, but also made him incredibly nervous. He’d managed their relationship when they stayed in their own little bubble. But out in the world, would Tyrell still like him? Would he mind that Elliot didn’t do romantic gestures, and shied away from public displays of affection?

He’d never really done the whole dating thing. He’d had casual relationships, but they’d been mostly about sex. The thought of putting on nice clothes and going to an expensive restaurant with Tyrell, quite frankly, got his anxiety levels up.

So that’s why he thought he’d start taking baby steps. Tonight he’d try and cook a nice meal to cheer Tyrell up, and they’d enjoy a glass of wine together. Maybe he’d even put music on. *Baby steps*.

Superfluous touching had been another big thing for Elliot. Of course he’d learned quickly that Tyrell was a very tactile person; it was how he showed affection, and how he liked to be comforted. This was initially strange for Elliot, who usually shirked away from hugs, and kept touching, even during sex, to a minimum. But with Tyrell, he’d grown to enjoy it. He liked when Tyrell held his hand, stroked his thigh or ran his fingers down his sides. In turn, he’d learned how he could sooth the tension out of Tyrell’s shoulders with firm fingers; or the way he’d come out in goose-bumps and shiver with pleasure if Elliot played with his hair. When Tyrell needed comfort, Elliot knew exactly how to use his fingers to lightly trace patterns on his back. While Elliot had brought out the side to Tyrell he’d locked away, Tyrell brought out a side to Elliot he’d never even known he had, and made him want things he’d never imagined he’d want.

He smiled, as warmth spread though him. Fuck it, he thought happily, adding dessert and some candles to his basket. Tonight he was going to show Tyrell how much he meant to him.

Back at the apartment, things were still quiet, and a quick glance told Elliot that Tyrell was still asleep, so he busied himself in the kitchen, putting away the groceries and tidying up a bit. 

He was still lost in his own thoughts when he heard a sniff coming from the direction of the sofa. 

‘Ty, you awake?’ No answer. Elliot made his way over.

‘Tyrell? You okay?’

Getting closer to him, Elliot could see that he was lying completely still, but was definitely awake. Concerned, Elliot crouched down in front of him.  
Tyrell was on his side, staring at the wall with blank, unseeing eyes. They were red-rimmed and bloodshot, and tears tracked down his face, dripping off his nose and onto the sofa. Despite having slept all afternoon he looked exhausted.

Most worryingly for Elliot, Tyrell hadn’t even acknowledged his presence, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

‘Tyrell,’ he tried again, placing a gentle hand on the man’s cheek and wiping away a tear with his thumb. ‘What’s wrong?’

Still he received no answer, and he became increasingly concerned.

‘Please talk to me,’ he whispered.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What are you sorry for?’

‘It’s my fault.’

‘What is?’

‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ He continued to cry silently as Elliot looked on helplessly. He was clutching his hands together, close to his chest, and Elliot gently prised one free, giving it a gentle squeeze.

‘Tyrell, you don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. But I’m here, and I’d like to know what happened. Maybe you could tell me, and it might make things a little easier.’

‘It’s my fault they died,’ he said numbly, still staring at the wall. He spoke slowly as if drunk, or in a daze. ‘They wanted to get to me so they killed them. I don’t understand why they chose me- there are plenty of people who can do what I can. I’m not special.’ Elliot kept quiet, but stroked the hair out of Tyrell’s face. The impact of Tyrell’s words hit him with full force. This was it, the confirmation of what, deep-down, he already knew- Tyrell’s fears had been correct. A small part of Elliot had been trying to cling onto the possibility that somehow it was all a mistake, that there was another explanation. But here it was. Tyrell was right all along. He tried his best to keep his features neutral.

‘It’s because I’m weak, it has to be. The one quality they saw in me was that I could be manipulated. And that’s why my parents died. Why did I have to be so weak? Everything Phillip told me…how they planned it…it was all just another business transaction to them. They deleted my parents because they were…an inconvenience. It’s all so meaningless,’ he trailed off hopelessly. 

‘It’s almost the anniversary of their death. I was thinking about going back to visit their graves. I haven’t done that in years. But what if…’ he was crying harder now, and starting to choke on his tears, ‘…what if…they don’t want…why would they want…they must be s-so…ashamed of me…’ he squeezed his eyes shut and was properly crying now. Elliot pulled him into an awkward half-hug, restricted by how they were sitting. 

‘Shh, that’s not true,’ Elliot soothed. He felt Tyrell gently push against his chest, and he relaxed his grip on him.

‘It is true Elliot! It’s because of me that they died, and for what? It’s all my fault! I didn’t want this, I didn’t want any of it. How did I end up here? Why couldn’t he have killed me when I gave him the chance? I’ve done nothing but cause harm and pain- it’s what I deserve!’ He took a sharp breath in, and lowered his eyes, realising he’d said more than he wanted to.

Elliot frowned, and he nudged Tyrell’s chin so that he was looking up at him. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘I didn’t mean…’

‘Tyrell,’ he said more firmly, with a dangerous edge creeping into his voice.

Tyrell closed his eyes and took in a shuddering breath.

‘I gave him the gun, and I thought he was going to kill me. But then…I guess his driver must have come up behind me.’

Elliot struggled to contain his emotions, as he pieced this information together, and remembered the text Tyrell had sent him: ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Did you ask him to kill you Tyrell?’

Tyrell just nodded, hiding his face in his hands.

‘Do you wish he had?’

A pause. A deep breath. Then a mumbled, ‘Yes.’

‘Why?’ Elliot asked, as his own tears finally fell.

‘Because all I’m good for is being used, and hurting others. Because I’m ashamed of myself, and worse, my parents would be ashamed of me too. I’m not the person I wanted to be, Elliot.’

‘So what, you’re just going to give up?’ Elliot shouted angrily. Tyrell sat up sharply, taken-aback by Elliot’s sudden outburst.

‘Your life’s not over Tyrell, and you have plenty of time to become the man you want to be. As far as I’m concerned everything you’re saying is bullshit. Most importantly, if you think your parents’ death was your fault, then you’re just being stupid. And I know you’re not stupid Tyrell. Evil Corp picked you, yes. For whatever sick reason, they chose you for their plan. Did you have any control over that? No! Tyrell, look at me, and listen to what I’m saying. Their deaths are NOT on you. That’s all on Evil Corp. You were just the right person, in the right place, at the right time. There’s no way you had any control over that. And if you somehow think that all you have to offer as a person is being weak and malleable, then you’re very, very wrong. You have given me so much already, and you have a son to live for too. Does that mean nothing to you? Joanna told me you graduated top of your class, even after everything that happened to you. That shows strength, and commitment, and intelligence. 

I won’t lie, I used to think you were the biggest asshole, but I realised it was all a façade. You were always fighting to prove yourself, and running scared. Believe me when I say I understand how that can make you do things you’re not comfortable with. It doesn’t forgive the things you did, but I know that wasn’t the real you. You’re kind and loving, not all those other things you tried to be. It’s not just me who thinks so, Joanna does too. She remembers who you were before, and she knows, like I do, that you’re a good person.  
I’ve done terrible things too Tyrell, things I regret. Things that were borne out of desperation and some misguided sense of nobility. I know how it feels to not recognise yourself any more, trust me. But you’ve helped me so much, you’ve kept me anchored to reality, and given me something to be better for.

Don’t write off this last part of your life Tyrell. Yes, you were being used, but you still became your own person, with your own feelings and beliefs. You think you were nothing but a mindless drone, but that’s not true. These last few months I’ve seen you reclaim the parts of you that you value, the parts that truly mean something to you. You’ve rebuilt yourself! Those parts were always there, you just needed to find them again. And I’m so happy that you have, because I like them, very much. You’re passionate and thoughtful, and I like how you listen to me, and understand me in a way that no-one else does. 

They robbed you of your life once, don’t let them do it again. Not when it was starting to look pretty fucking good.’ He stopped, out-of-breath from his rant, and Tyrell just blinked up at him, trying to process his words.

Tyrell wiped his eyes with his sleeve, and Elliot fidgeted awkwardly with the cuffs of his hoodie.

‘You really believe those things Elliot?’

‘Yes,’ Elliot replied simply, having suddenly lost his eloquence.

Tyrell hesitantly pulled him into a hug, which Elliot quickly and firmly reciprocated.

‘Thank you,’ he whispered into Elliot’s neck, and in those two simple words Elliot could hear how much Tyrell trusted him, and the reverence with which he regarded him. It overwhelmed him slightly.

That night he went ahead with his plan, and cooked Tyrell a romantic candle-lit meal. The pasta was undercooked, and the candle-light didn’t quite accomplish the ambience Elliot had hoped for, instead making the apartment seem dingier somehow. But Tyrell didn’t seem to mind. He told Elliot kindly that he liked his pasta ‘al-dente’, and joked that the lighting hid how burnt the garlic bread was. By the end of the evening (and a few glasses of wine later) they were laughing together. Elliot felt lighter as he noted that for the first time all week Tyrell looked happy, almost care-free. 

The next morning Elliot awoke to see Tyrell sleeping peacefully beside him. He smiled softly as he ran his fingers through Tyrell’s hair, before padding quietly to the kitchen.  
While Elliot had been cooking the night before, Tyrell had rung Joanna. For the most part Tyrell had barely been in touch with her since they said goodbye at the hospital, just a few texts here and there. But last night, after his conversation with Elliot, he’d called her, and told her everything, in subdued, quiet tones. Tyrell had argued, but Joanna had insisted on coming round. Checking the clock, Elliot realised she was due any minute, and he woke Tyrell up gently.

Ten minutes later Joanna knocked at the door, and Tyrell answered, looking nervous, for reasons Elliot didn’t understand.

‘Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,’ Joanna breathed, pulling him into a tight hug. He responded in kind, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck. Elliot averted his eyes, feeling like he was intruding on a private moment.

She asked him something in Danish, and as they spoke quietly in their native tongues, Elliot tried not to feel jealous. Joanna had her hands wrapped around his forearms, and he was looking at her…wistfully? Elliot couldn’t quite read his expression.

He tried to swallow down his feelings of insecurity as he watched them. They had an easiness about them- they seemed so comfortable being in each other’s personal spaces. They touched and looked at each other with a familiarity borne from many years together, and Elliot told himself it was silly to feel threatened by that. He wished he could understand what they were saying though.

She pulled him into another hug, one hand coming to rest in his hair. He was trying hard not to cry, Elliot could tell. Secretly he felt pleased that Tyrell was guarding that part of himself from her- that was just for Elliot now. He hated himself for feeling this way. He was glad that Joanna was there to support and comfort Tyrell- he needed it as much as possible right now. But there was still a stupid, childish part of him that wanted to be everything Tyrell needed, and he realised that wasn’t healthy. Feeling guilty, he was about to excuse himself to walk Flipper, when Joanna pulled away from Tyrell and turned to him.

‘Elliot, could I have a moment alone with you?’ Tyrell quietly excused himself to take a shower.

‘How has he been this week Elliot? Please answer me honestly.’

‘Um… he’s been okay. Well no, not good at all. Yesterday was difficult.’

She nodded, remembering how upset he’d sounded on the phone the night before. Not so much emotional, just not himself; distant. 

‘I really wanted him to be wrong Elliot. I think deep down I realised he wasn’t- too much added up, and I should have learned by now not to underestimate what Phillip is capable of. But hearing Tyrell confirm everything last night, hearing what Phillip said to him…’

‘I know,’ Elliot sighed, unable to find the words to express his own feelings of disbelief and sadness. 

‘Does he think it’s his fault?’

Elliot just nodded sadly. ‘I told him it wasn’t, obviously. I think he’s starting to believe me.’

‘Good. Did he tell you everything that happened in the warehouse with Phillip?’

‘Yes I think so, why?’

‘Because I think he hid something from me. I asked him if he remembered how he got knocked out, and he said no. But I know he was lying.’  
Elliot debated whether or not to tell her what happened, but settled on a slightly altered version of the truth.

‘I think their conversation got heated, so Phillip’s driver took matters into his own hands. That’s all he remembers.’

Joanna narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. ‘So you wouldn’t happen to know why the gun Tyrell stashed in our house is suddenly missing?’ Shit. Elliot tried his best to muster a look of surprise.

‘A gun?’ he asked, sounding unconvincing even to himself.

Joanna looked him in the eyes. ‘Just look after him, okay?’ Elliot just nodded.

‘Elliot, there’s one more thing, but I’m not sure what to do with it.’

As Elliot narrowed his eyes with concern, she handed him a letter. ‘I haven’t read it yet, I wanted us to do it together.’

Elliot opened it anxiously, his eyes widening when he saw it was addressed to Tyrell.


	11. Chapter 11

Silently, they read through it together. Once they’d finished Joanna looked at Elliot to study his reaction, and Elliot released the breath he’d been holding.

‘I don’t understand. Where did this come from?’ He asked, once he’d found his voice again.

‘His wife found it in his briefcase, along with instructions to pass it on to Phillip. A couple of days ago it was delivered to me.’

‘I think he’d want to read this.’

‘That’s what I thought too, but you know better than I do about what kind of place he’s in at the moment.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Tyrell’s voice interrupted them.

Startled, Elliot looked at Joanna, who just nodded reassuringly.

Elliot stepped forward and handed Tyrell the letter.

‘What is this?’ Tyrell looked anxiously between Elliot and Joanna.

‘It’s from John Masters.’

‘But it’s addressed to me?’

Elliot nodded. ‘I think you’ll want to read it, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.’

Tyrell opened it slowly, before quickly squeezing his eyes shut. It was as if he didn’t actually believe there would be words on the page. He took a deep breath and opened them again.

Elliot watched as his eyes scanned the page, his expression giving nothing away. Eventually he finished, slowly folded the piece of paper up, and handed it back to Elliot. Wordlessly he put on his coat and moved towards the front door.

‘Tyrell, wait!’ Elliot called out, as Joanna moved quickly to block his path.

‘I’m fine, honestly. I just want some fresh air.’

‘How do I know you won’t-’ Elliot started.

‘Because I promise Elliot, I’m fine.’ He gave Elliot a strange, unconvincing grimace of a smile. ‘See?’ Joanna reached out to grab his forearm, but he shrugged out of her grip, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

‘Both of you, please. I have my mobile with me, so you can check up on me if you really have to. But right now, I just want to be alone.’

Elliot nodded, and Joanna moved out of his way. They both watched silently as Tyrell left.

Tyrell’s mind felt numb, but his body moved with purpose. He took big, determined strides, not caring that people were having to dart out of his way. He bumped into a couple of people, and vaguely registered one of them calling him an asshole. 

Eventually he reached his destination. The E Corp headquarters loomed over him menacingly. The building he’d once come to regard as a second home suddenly seemed threatening. It towered, grand but ugly and imposing; an angry blot that had muscled its way into the neighbourhood, like a bully on the playground. There would be people inside, doing their work, unaware of the monster they were working for. He wanted to unlock the door, whisper the truth in their ears, and liberate them all.

Now though, the fire inside him vanished, as he realised he didn’t really know why he wanted to come here. He squared his shoulders, kept his chin high, and stared intently at the building, eyes full of defiance, and his mind screaming that it would take more than this to defeat him.

The letter should have been everything he wanted to hear, but strangely it wasn’t. Masters had apologised for what he’d done, and confessed that not a day had gone by when he hadn’t been haunted by his actions. He’d thought about Tyrell every night before he’d gone to sleep, remembering the impact of the crash, and the sickening sound of metal warping and glass shattering. 

It meant something that the man had felt compelled to put pen to paper and reach out to him like that, but honestly, his words made little difference. Knowing that someone felt some kind of remorse was a great relief, but it didn’t change the fact, and it didn’t bring his parents back. Once again, he was reminded of how small and powerless he really was.

‘Mr Wellick?’ he dimly heard a voice call out behind him, and he jumped as he felt a hand on his back.

As he turned, he heard a man laugh slightly and say, ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.’

He tried to hide the surprise (and slight flush of embarrassment) on his face, as he saw Anwar looking back at him. A million thoughts raced through his head as he stared at the man he’d bedded in his petty quest for information on the person that threatened to steal his job. That night seemed like it had been in another lifetime. How trivial and pointless his actions had been, he realised now, yet at the time he was driven to them with the single-minded determination of a madman. He marveled at how easily, and quickly he’d completely lost sight of himself. These thoughts were all silenced by a new one as Anwar said, 

'How’s your head?’


	12. Chapter 12

The words were said kindly, and with concern, but Tyrell struggled with their implications.

‘That was you?’

‘I’m sorry, I did the only thing I could think to do. But I think this makes us even now,’ he smiled, attempting to lighten the mood.

Tyrell snarled and shoved Anwar roughly against the wall. Anwar put his hands up and stuttered, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it was just a joke.’

Tyrell blinked and quickly snapped out of it, releasing the other man, and absentmindedly smoothing the creases he’d made in Anwar’s clothes. Both men were suddenly acutely aware of how close they were standing, and Tyrell stepped back sharply, running a nervous hand through his hair.

‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled.

‘No, I think that was fair, given the circumstances.’

‘I want to buy you a coffee,’ Tyrell said simply, and Anwar was reminded of the boldness with which he’d approached him before, at the club. He blinked at Tyrell in surprise.

‘Not like that,’ he waved his arm dismissively. ‘I have questions I want you to answer.’

‘Okay,’ he replied nervously, again reminded of how Tyrell had made his advances before. He’d been no-nonsense and business-like, yet still somehow intoxicating and confusing.

He let Tyrell guide him to a nearby coffee shop, and buy him a latte. They sat at a quiet table in the corner, and Anwar shifted awkwardly as Tyrell observed him. He felt hot under the sharp gaze of Tyrell’s bright blue eyes, and he cleared his throat to break the silence.

‘What do you want to know?’

‘Are you in Price’s inner circle?’

‘No. I don’t even know what you mean by that. He trusts me, but I’ve only ever been his assistant. If I’m honest I never had any idea what was going on between the two of you. When I saw in was you in that warehouse, I was terrified, and I acted instinctively. Again, I’m really sorry, you looked pretty bad. I didn’t mean to hurt you like that; I just wanted to knock you out.’

Tyrell ignored his last comment, instead asking, ‘What do you mean, you never had any idea what was going on between us?’

‘After you and I slept together, Price asked me if you’d ever said or done anything strange to me. I didn’t tell him what happened, but I think he might have known somehow. He warned me that you might try to manipulate me for information on Scott Knowles. Suddenly everything made sense. It was nice to know it wasn’t personal when you left while I was in the shower,’ he chuckled dryly.

‘You were upset?’ Tyrell asked incredulously.

‘Don’t flatter yourself asshole. I meant it was nice to understand what your game was. I didn’t think our encounter meant something, by any means, but it was…confusing. You can be very unsettling.’ 

Tyrell just shrugged, and eyed Anwar curiously. ‘In that case, how did you come to be there the other night?’

‘After I discovered the bug you put in my phone- thanks for that by the way- I assumed that was it, you’d got what you wanted. Then you were fired, and the rumours started circling about your involvement with Sharon Knowles. Phillip put them to rest, but I knew they were bullshit anyway. You’re…’ he paused the find the right word, ‘*highly-strung*, definitely, but you’re not a murderer...’

Tyrell used every ounce of his strength to keep himself from flinching and breaking eye-contact with Anwar. He prayed the other man couldn’t see how his hands shook slightly, or the light sheen of sweat that was forming on his brow. He tuned back into what Anwar was saying.

‘…turned themselves in. Seems someone was even more unhappy that Knowles got the job than you were.’ He shook his head sadly.

Tyrell felt a jolt of surprise, but tried to sound as casual as he could.

‘Someone turned themselves in?’ Surprisingly (or perhaps not, given Phillip’s influence), the Knowles murder stayed out of the news, so Tyrell hadn’t heard anything about this.

‘Yeah, it was someone down in R and D, I can’t remember the name.’

‘When was this?’

‘A couple of weeks after you left.’ 

Relief washed over him, but this quickly turned to nausea as he added this person –whoever he was- to the list of people whose lives had been ruined because of him. He wondered how Phillip had pulled it off, how he could have forced a man to confess to a crime he didn't commit. And why? This was all after the hack had been executed. They were done with him by this point, so why was Phillip so hell-bent on protecting him? He’d done nothing to deserve it. His stomach clenched, and for a worrying moment he actually thought he might be sick in the middle of Starbucks.

‘Are you okay?’ Anwar asked him.

‘Yes, fine, it’s just a bit of a shock, that’s all. I’m glad that awful business was put to rest though.’

Anwar eyed him with concern, but carried on anyway.

‘After you were gone, I assumed I’d never see you again. Then all the crazy shit went down with the huge hack, and things got weird at work. Everyone was just struggling, trying to cope, y’know? I thought I’d lose my job to be honest, but Phillip kept me on. From my point of view nothing really changed, even though the future was so uncertain. It was weird,’ he mused. Tyrell started to grow frustrated that he wasn’t getting to the point of the story.

‘Then last week Phillip was in the office late and I’d stayed to help. He came out to tell me we had an errand to run. He seemed angry and frustrated, so I didn’t want to say no. He made me sign an NDA, which was unusual, even for Phillip. I drove him out to that warehouse. He told me to wait a few minutes then come inside. But when I saw it was you he was with, I was frightened. To be honest, I considered leaving there and then and never coming back. But I did as he said. I waited outside the door, but when I heard raised voices I snuck in. I saw the gun, and the rest, well...sorry again.’

‘Why would you risk your safety like that?’

‘Tyrell,’ he chided, ‘I’m not stupid, I heard enough to know what was happening. Phillip didn’t want to kill you, and I knew he wouldn’t kill me. To be honest though, I saw the situation and made a snap decision.’ His voice softened as he continued, ‘Why did you ask him to kill you? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how you…’

‘You honestly don’t know what happened? You don’t know anything about me at all?’ He interrupted desperately.

‘No, I have no idea what you’re talking about, I swear. I don’t know why Phillip asked me to come with him that night, and I’m definitely not conspiring with him against you. I don’t know anything about whatever shit went down with you guys.’

‘You’ve never been to that warehouse before? You weren’t one of the bears?’

Anwar frowned in confusion, his concern for Tyrell growing. ‘No, I haven’t,’ he answered gently, trying to get a read of the other man’s face. ‘And I don’t know what you mean…’ he hesitated, trying to keep his voice as level as possible, ‘…about being a bear. Is that a…’

‘It doesn’t matter. How did you just appear today?’

‘Tyrell, you were standing right outside where I work, around lunchtime, it’s not like I had to look very hard to find you. Why are you being so paranoid?’

‘Why did you come and talk to me?’

‘When I saw you I just wanted to see if you were okay. I was worried about you- that night was so messed up, and Phillip has been acting like it never happened. He didn’t want you to know that I was there that night, and it seemed safer to stay away from you, but when I saw you today, I don’t know, I just… Plus, I figured at the very least I owed you an apology,’ he smiled. ‘So, are you? Okay, I mean.’

‘Yes, my head is fine now, thank you.’

‘Not what I meant.’

Tyrell considered snapping at Anwar that it was none of his business, but stopped himself, reasoning that he should at least be civil to the man who’d pretty much saved his life.

‘No,’ he answered honestly. ‘Not really.’ He thought about the letter from Masters, and everything came rushing back to him. He flushed as tears stung his eyes, and he cleared his throat and averted his gaze.

‘I’m sorry,’ he mumbled, then laughed self-consciously. ‘Shit, this is embarrassing.’

‘It’s okay. Whatever’s going on with you seems pretty fucked up, and to be honest…’ he gestured around the room, ‘…the whole world’s pretty fucked up right now. It’s okay to not be okay. You don’t have to be a robot.’ Anwar smiled at him sympathetically. Tyrell’s shoulders slumped, and he seemed to relax.

Realising Tyrell wasn’t going to open up to him about the night at the warehouse, he changed tack. ‘How are your family?’

‘My son is wonderful, thank you,’ he couldn’t stop the genuine smile that spread across his face.

It didn’t go unnoticed by Anwar that Tyrell purposely didn’t mention his wife, nor that he was no longer wearing a wedding ring, but that really was none of his business.

They were interrupted when Tyrell’s phone rang. Anwar politely looked away, and tried not to listen, but he caught snippets of the conversation. ‘I’m fine, I promise…I’ll be back soon Elliot…don’t worry…’

*Interesting*. Tyrell was not speaking to *Elliot* how one would normally speak to a friend. He could tell Tyrell was trying to disguise it, but he had subtle tells that gave him away. The way his whole body seemed to relax, and his voice shifted a tone lower and a touch softer. Again though, it was none of his business. 

He couldn’t say he was surprised though. Tyrell might want to play down their one-night-stand as an inconvenient, but necessary rung on the ladder, but Anwar saw through that. Tyrell had been efficient and business-like in bed, but there had been an attraction there that he hadn’t quite been able to shove down. That, and he was skilled enough for Anwar to know that it hadn’t been his first time with a man. He smiled softly as he continued to quietly observe the other man.

When Tyrell got off the phone he apologised, and an awkward silence fell over them. Both men found themselves contemplating the strangeness of the situation. Never would Anwar have imagined he’d be having coffee with Tyrell Wellick. And never did he imagine he would actually care about the man, but he found it strangely hard not to.

Tyrell thought about how Anwar was one of the many people he’d manipulated for his own gain. Though he was fairly certain Anwar hadn’t been too hurt by his actions, he’d still treated him badly. Eventually he broke the silence.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘Using you that night. Invading your privacy. Just leaving after we…’

Anwar laughed. ‘Really? After everything that’s just happened you want to…’ he laughed again, but stopped when Tyrell looked serious.

‘Forget about it man. Okay, I was pretty pissed at first about the snooping, and I guess it was shitty to feel used. But the other stuff…it was a one-night-stand, I knew the deal. It’s not like I cried myself to sleep or anything.’

‘Okay. Good.’

‘I will say this though- it was a pretty fun night,’ he winked at Tyrell.

Shocked, Tyrell barked out a laugh, and Anwar smiled back.

‘And between you and me, I know you could have hacked me any way you wanted. I think you enjoyed it as much as I did.’ He winked at Tyrell again.

This time Tyrell was stunned into silence, and Anwar got up to leave.

Squeezing Tyrell’s arm gently he smiled and said, 

‘Take care of yourself Mr Wellick.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go, this is it everyone, the final chapter. I'm not as happy with how this story turned out, as I think Elliot is a little out of character and the ending is a little soppy. Please let me know what you think, and stay tuned for my series of one shots.
> 
> Thank you, as always, for reading!
> 
> Wishing everyone a happy New Year!

After his surreal conversation with Anwar he’d wandered aimlessly around the city alone with his thoughts, shuffling quietly back into the apartment around three hours later.

When he heard the key in the door, Elliot turned away from the computer and quickly made his way across the room.

Tyrell smiled sheepishly at him as he hovered awkwardly by the door, and Elliot peered up to look into his eyes.

‘Are you okay?’

Tyrell nodded enthusiastically and smiled. Elliot let out a laugh of surprise, unable to hide his confused frown.

‘Is Joanna still here?’ Tyrell asked him.

Elliot shook his head, his eyes widening as Tyrell brought his hands out from behind his back.

‘Um… what’s this?’ he laughed again, as Tyrell handed him a bouquet of flowers.

Tyrell laughed too, as he replied, ‘I’m sorry, I know this is stupid. Flowers aren’t an Elliot thing. I should have gotten you a pizza, or, I don’t know, a new microwave…’ he eyed the battered microwave in the corner disdainfully, ‘…but those things didn’t seem very romantic, and I wanted this to be a nice gesture. Next time I’ll think of something better,’ he rambled nervously. Elliot continued to stare up at Tyrell in confusion, but accepted the flowers with a grateful smile. If he hadn’t been quite so concerned he would have found Tyrell’s nervousness endearing, perhaps even adorable.

‘Babe, you did just fine. They…’ he struggled to find a word to describe the flowers; Tyrell was right, he definitely wasn’t a flowers kind of guy, ‘…smell really nice. But I’m confused, why am I getting flowers?’

‘Everything you said was right Elliot. About my life, and everything I have to live for. And then I had an interesting conversation with an old acquaintance that made me realise a lot of things. I can’t describe it, I just came away with this feeling that we’re all just stumbling along, trying to make the best of what life hands us. There will always be things we don’t understand, and things that frighten us, but that’s why it’s important to keep close and cherish the things that matter. I don’t want to feel powerless any more, I’m done letting other people govern my decisions.’

‘That must have been quite a chat,’ Elliot smiled, taking one of Tyrell’s hands in his.

‘No, it wasn’t really. Talking to him was more a reminder that I will always have questions about what happened that can’t be answered. There will always be things I don’t understand, but that’s alright. I don’t know why I needed answers so badly, but I realise now that I don’t. It’s just a long thread that keeps unravelling, and the more I learn, the worse it gets. So I’ve decided to cut it off. Masters’ letter gave me the closure I needed, and your words - *your words*, Elliot – made me feel like that thread wasn’t the only thing holding me together. I feel okay again, for the first time in a long time. And that’s largely because of you,’ he smiled. ‘So that’s why you’re getting flowers Elliot. Please consider them a small and entirely inadequate token of my thanks, my gratitude and my love. The first of many I hope to give you.’

Elliot blushed and shifted awkwardly. When Tyrell opened up like this his words were often overwhelming. It used to make him squirm uncomfortably, but he eventually grew to enjoy how Tyrell would lavish affection on him. He said what he felt, and was straightforward; Elliot found that refreshing in a world where people could be so confusing. It made him feel safe.

And apparently, by some miracle, or strange twist of fate that he could never have foreseen, he made Tyrell feel the same. Despite his many flaws, when he was around Tyrell he somehow found a way to not only hold himself together, but be a pillar of strength for the other man. Each of them struggled to house their own chaos, but for some inexplicable reason they calmed each other, like a cool washcloth to a fevered brow, or a hot tea on a crisp winters night. For each of them life had been a raging storm, electric and unpredictable. Though it defied all logic, they found sanctuary in one another, and the world around them grew quiet and still. Tyrell was right; they *were* stumbling through life. But when there's someone there to catch you, suddenly stumbling doesn't seem so scary.

For the first time Elliot truly believed that they would both be okay.


End file.
